Hi,
This is slightly awkward, I'm sorry. I know I sound ridiculous but I have to talk to someone, no one here seems to get how I feel.
Has anyone seen that film, Inception? Where they control the fabric of dreams, and the consequence is that it becomes impossible to tell what is reality and what is fantasy? I feel that way about my life. I studied in Canada for 4 months last semester, and now I'm back at uni here in England, in exactly the same position I would be in if I had never left. That whole part of my life can just lift out and be forgotten - it already feels more like a dream than something that actually happened.
But home doesn't feel right now either. I don't seem to fit back into the life I created for myself here. The only way I can explain is to compare it to that film - I just can't convince myself that this is reality. Home doesn't feel real. I don't feel like I belong here. I'm not sure if I belong anywhere.
I know I should just stop waffling on, that I'm just sad that the 'holiday' is over and I need to stop procrastinating and get on with my responsibilities, blah blah blah, but I'm really struggling. Is there anyone out there who can relate?
Hiii.
ReplyDeleteYeah I can soooo relate. I've come back to uni, after 4 months away and it feels like I have never left. I fit back into my friendship groups but it all feels so different you know? Like when people ask you about your experience and all you can say is 'it was sooo good', but you want to tell them everything, all the boring bits that made your trip but seem so uninteresting to everyone else. You summed it up so well-i just don't know where I fit in anymore. Tad dramatic I know.
I can honestly say that my four months in the USA was the best thing i have ever done. Now i'm home, I keep seeing these, well things that remind me of it. When New york comes on the telly, or when I see Starbucks, I just have to go in it, and then I feel like I'm...well, I feel complete. Like a home from home, even though i'm home, if I am making any kind of sense!
I'm so glad someone else is feeling like this, it so nice to finally vent my feelings!
I'm so glad someone understands!
ReplyDeleteThere aren't words to describe how much more awesome life was in Canada. Like just walking to the supermarket was so much more fun, because it was in Canada.
I tried to re-create Canada by going to my local ice rink. It was dirty and smelt of piss and I spent the whole time dodging chavs who could barely stand up. I left feeling more hollow than before I went.
Hi guys,
ReplyDeletei stumbled across this blog this afternoon, when i was searching the internet for someone who could vaguely understand what's going on in my head right now. i thought i was going a bit mad, maybe had issues, maybe was just letting my head get carried away on pointless thoughts...
But anyway, i just moved back from Rhode Island, and since i've been back, well, its not the same. as much as when I was out there, i thought to myself "It's going to be great being back in my house with my friends at uni", now that i'm back i feel like i left a limb out there!
everything is the same, but so much different, as if nothings changed since i left, but i've missed out on something here that makes the 'now' seem right...
i'm so glad i've found such like minded people!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! 3 days away from Australia and i'm already beginning to feel "homesick". After living, studying and travelling there for 8 months i deffinatly consider it a second home and now i'm back to the normal day routines, i cannot even begin to explain to my friends and family about my experiences there. I feel different for sure, maybe more mature, more independant and find it hard to relate to the mundane tasks of the day! im very sad to think that i may never return there again- and that thought is more scary than the fact i am now back and have to get back into the routine of University life. Its odd to think that the first day there i was homesick from England, hungry, and hungover! i crave this back! it seems so long ago.....
ReplyDeletei feel strange being back and not in a good way. i feel like my spirit has been crushed slightly as i have retreated from a great life i was just getting used to - to one where i was not particularly happy in the first place. its strange that my boyfriend who i met there has now flown back from england after christmas to America. back to the appartement where we lived for 5 months and i havent gone back. i wish i was back there instead of here. i feel like this place is so insular compared to America. i definitely need to get used to being back here again.
ReplyDeleteThat must be really hard Vicki, knowing he's going back and you're not :(
ReplyDeleteAnd great choice of word - insular.
If you want to talk more about it, you know where to find me!
x
Louise, I two travelled to my local ice rink but the hurt and the nostalgia became too much for me! I broke down and had to leave because lets face it, it's not the same! Do you think if we went together it would ease the pain? Do you think it will ever be the same again?
ReplyDeleteI was with Vicki throughout her experience in America, I feel the same way. I'm drifting in this strange no man's land. I've become a nomad, with no sense of belonging. How are we going to adjust and like Johathan says feel the same again?
ReplyDeleteThere's no hope!!!!! It will never be the same! I want to skate on the frozen canal in Ottawa..even though I cant skate I want somebody who can pull me along..nobody can skate as good as the canadians?!!
ReplyDelete